Do what I want and they wont complain.. [entries|friends|calendar] LE tired [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Panic [01 Jun 2009|03:24pm] I've been having unusually bad anxiety the past few days. It keeps getting worse. I don't usually have anxiety thats bad enough for me to actually..call anxiety, or address it as being a problem. Valium hasn't helped. Maybe it's the coffee? Maybe it's my situation...a fear? The panicky feeling keeps me from taking a plunge again. My last experience was a lot to digest. I'm still finding more meaning in that experience. I've been craving to go back and see if I can understand more or gain more. I've been chickening out. I don't usually. Deep rooted fear. Basic fear that everyone feels, surely. I don't want to end up alone and caught off guard so to avoid that, I try to remain aware of the possibility. The awareness is taking a while to sink in and be accepted. For now, its annoying as fuck and ruining my smoke sessions and my composure. The fear won't go. post comment

Its been ages [07 Nov 2008|04:53pm] Good to. Silly of me to broadcast my life and feelings. Ive changed a lot since I first got this journal. Heh. Looking through old entries is hilarious. post comment

[09 Feb 2007|12:38pm] [ mood | happy ] Everthing is. Depression is frustration. Me. I'm happy though. The world is new. I love everything. Wonder. post comment

[20 Dec 2006|09:58pm] ?Don't let me down again.  I'm sick of living in a shell.  I relate to it. It is me.  My thoughts run me.  I lose touch with reality. What's really there to others. Let it go. But then what's there to hope for? I need to find peace.  But, I feel the only way I can go about doing this is in a way some see as selfish. Maybe so. Aren't we all. post comment

[09 Sep 2006|08:22pm] Im in Nicaragua.     I miss my bed....   and A.C.... 2 comments|post comment

[12 Jun 2006|10:35pm] BATTLE TO THE DEATH messy, irritable, depressed, fragile, worrying, emotionally sensitive, does not like to lead, phobic, weird, suspicious, low self control, paranoid, frequently second guesses self, dependent, unproductive, introverted, weak, strange, unassertive, submissive, familiar with the dark side of life, feels invisible, rash, vain, anti-authority, heart over mind, low self concept, disorganized, not good at saving money, avoidant, daydreamer, unadventurous Haha. This week Im a weak twit. Sick. 2 comments|post comment

[12 Jun 2006|04:28pm] I trusted someone again and it fucked me up. Twat. It doesnt matter anymore. Theres nothing left to ruin. post comment

[06 May 2006|05:50pm] P.S.S.S.S..S i want to be a techno worm. NIGGITY SNAPZ 3 comments|post comment

[06 May 2006|05:44pm] [ mood | hzziggh ] WHAT HAPPEND TO YOU, YOURE NOT THE SAME........... BLAH BLAH BLAH FILLER something something FILLER and thats all that counts. because the lord told me to bomb iran and destroy its nuclear program, possibly sending radioactive shit into the jet stream...and stuff....because i dont what im saying cause im badass and shit. he also told me to test a bunker bomb on june 2nd .......and kill the indians....or piss them off...because the lord chose me. CAUSE GOD HATES FAGS I DONT WANNA HEAR IT! deliver us from jesuss, for ever and ever blooody men. post comment

[04 May 2006|05:22pm] YO SUCKAS! post comment

[21 Apr 2006|11:03pm] im so fucking emotional. it sucks. i dont know whats real anymore. i cant tell the diffrence between dreams and reality anymore. they merge. i get angry over the littlest things. i think everyone hates me, and im probably right. i would if i was someone else. make sense, no. who cares. no one does. no one reads. im writing this for me. its hope. that someone will care. thats all i have left. post comment

[26 Feb 2006|07:49pm] RAWR. i dont know. i feel empty. post comment

[22 Feb 2006|05:25pm] Ive always wondered.......when you die....do you all of a sudden go into another realm.....where you have a better life....with all the people you wish you had has friends, met, or were still alive. You had a good life.......whether its your dream...or another reality.....if that were the case.......I want to be dead. Depressed state is back. post comment

indeed [17 Feb 2006|08:17pm] My friend got hit by a car. The first thing I thought of is if Id get her bike if she died. I found out shes ok. I visited her, talked to her, then wished that she got run over. It really wouldnt make a diffrence to me. Itd be easier to live my life actually----without her. Im not sure what to think of everything. But uh....shit is going to change. post comment

[28 Jan 2006|07:54pm] Today was a good day. I didnt ride too many horses, but it was still alright. I get to show a horse named Butch next weekend. I definitly need to make a new friend to replace the hoe bag I just dropped. Im letting my hair grow out a little bit more and butchering it into layers. Maybe I'll do a good job this time. post comment

[24 Jan 2006|09:13pm] Picture for the hell of it.   its not in anymore. stupid fucking equestrians. 1 comment|post comment

[24 Jan 2006|08:49pm] I just want someone elses approval so bad. I want to be someones friend.....and I dont know what that is. When I hear other people talk about shit, I feel like Im the weird one. I wish I could explain things better. I wish I had someone I could talk shit out to...help me get my thoughs organized. Thatd be awesome. The lacking of cool friend to bounce ideas off of is probably why I have an lj and type up meaningless shit that no one reads. The girl I was hanging out with for a while......basicly replaced me. I dont go to pub. school anymore, so Im out of her life now. I dont really mind not being with her, its mosltly losing my excuse to get out of the house. I have nothing in common with anyone Ive met so far. I wish what I wanted existed. But its a dream. I need to stop reading as much as I do. post comment

[12 Jan 2006|08:14pm] love is degrading. i hope i never feel any sort of strong emotion towards anyone besides hate. 1 comment|post comment

Stupid P-Pansys. [11 Oct 2005|09:04pm] So I got some pictures off my camera phone. They came out decent except I look more albino than usual. Yes I know a majority of these pictures are with my mom, but hey, it was a family thing. The trip to Kansas. Though my granparents were awesome and let me hangout outside. ( Exciting family pictures from Kansas yo ) 1 comment|post comment

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